8/22/2023 0 Comments Good memories to cherish![]() ![]() Reflecting on good times you shared with an ex might make you feel vulnerable or guilty, but there are healthy ways to honor these positive experiences. The reality is nobody can be replaced, nobody can be reproduced, so there’s really no limit to being able to love a new partner and holding space in your heart for memories of others as well.” Appreciating someone else does nothing to dampen that. “When you are with this new person, you’re enjoying their unique essence, their energy, what they bring out of you and how you show up in the world with them. “Just like you might look back on a childhood friendship fondly but have a new best friend,” Berkheimer said. She emphasized that love is not limited or finite, so acknowledging previous times in your life when you were in love with someone else does not take away from your feelings for your current partner. Marriage and family therapist J oy Berkheimer believes Western culture promotes a false notion that holding onto fond memories reduces your current capacity for love. “For some, they think about wanting to do those same things and make similar memories, but with their current partner.” “Instead of feeling bad during the times when memories of an ex come up, let yourself smile and be happy,” Needle said. You’re not having an emotional affair if you reminisce about a nice vacation you took during a past relationship. The idea that cherishing memories with an ex is a betrayal to the person you’re currently with is usually based on insecurities or past trauma, Needle added. We should be grateful for the good memories we have, acknowledge them, and then move on, and focus on and be grateful for what’s happening in the present.” “Remember that a memory is just a memory. “Remembering good times with an ex does not mean you still have feelings for them or want them back,” Needle said. Over time these memories usually happen less often.” There’s no reason to feel guilty about it. “It is part of what made us who we are today. “Most of us had lives and past relationships prior to our current one,” Needle said. For instance, your ex’s favorite sports team could make headlines years after your breakup, reminding you of a fun experience you shared going to a game together. Once the immediate painful emotions settle, you can more easily reflect on the relationship as a whole and appreciate the good parts. And even when they do end badly, people typically remained in the relationship because there was some positive in it and some good times, which will lead to happy memories.”Ī relationship ending doesn't erase the memories that came before the breakup.īreaking up with someone doesn’t erase everything that happened before the relationship ended. “It is absolutely OK to cherish memories and good times with an ex,” said Rachel Needle, a psychologist and co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. It’s perfectly natural to appreciate the good times you shared with an ex. That doesn’t mean it’s bad to cherish positive memories from a past relationship, however.īelow, relationship experts break down these complicated emotions, patterns to look out for and tips for processing these good memories in a healthy way. Still, reflecting on good times you shared with an ex can feel strange or even wrong, especially if time has passed and you’re with someone else. It’s only natural you had some wonderful experiences as a couple. ![]() Finding the good in a painful situation is what dulls the pain.”Īlthough you may feel a great deal of hurt and resentment toward your ex, there’s a reason you were with them. ![]() ![]() Realizing that made me realize that the heartbreak was worth it, because without it I’d be devoid of so many smiles and happy moments and I’d be a completely different person today. “And those good times that we had, I wouldn’t trade for anything at all ever. “We traveled the world, we grew together, we learned things, we laughed so, so much,” she recalled. Clayton, a writer and podcast host herself, is a proponent of looking back on the good times, as well as the bad. Speaking to HuffPost, she elaborated on her experience. We often hear biting jokes, rants and rueful comments about exes, but someone sharing fond memories or positive qualities about a former partner feels less familiar. “And we could scroll through Twitter threads together, and it really felt like we were one in those moments.” “I can say a lot of bad clearly because he’s an ex, but one of my favorite things about this particular ex is that he was so into gossip,” she remarked. While listening to an episode of the popular podcast “Normal Gossip,” I was struck by something that guest Tracy Clayton said reflecting on a past relationship. ![]()
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